innerdemons

The Inner Terror of My Shadow

innerdemonsYou came at me in the stillness of time, seducing me with your offerings of freedom if I would give of myself to your grip. With a desperate longing to be held, I walked in silence, alone and misunderstood with body aching to be part of more than this life.

The affirmations proved to be little in comparison to your price. Others in your tribe were eager to receive me, for certainly I was like fresh meat to the carnivorous appetite you nurtured within their dusty, wounded hearts; they fed upon my resources fiercely until I ran dry.

Opportunity. Future. Any words of restorative hope have lost their meaning for my time is over here. No, my destiny is now in the space of the sky, like a whisper resting upon your ear you will recall our laughs and like the summers day, whatever sun I cast will be the warmth of your memories.

Don’t think of me as less. I do love you. I did try, really hard. You see I was born into this world with a battle of self, a shadow that stood above my light post, haunting the night and torturing the days with endless calls to jab, poke, snort, anything to create another hole in my riddled body to get the substance deeply settled into my bloodstream.

inner-demons-of-a-woman

I was born with the drug of drunkenness not with the chemicals, but without. I only knew intoxication of drink and substance until it became my new normal, body now on full throttle with an insatiable craving that whittled my spirit down to a state of nothingness on this planetary space ship ride.

I wasn’t born for here. My purest desires got caught up in a mix of perversion and created a intertwining of mishaps, unfortunate wiring and jumbled heap of brain synapses, all firing at lightning pace needing a repolarization that the doctors and therapists and treatment centers couldn’t provide.

Don’t mourn my departure. Please. I leave behind those memories, those warm sun moments of bliss for you to rest your heart upon at any thought of me. Let that be enough as I take my place among the grains of sands, remembered in the vortex of god. I am his now.

Goodbye my friend.

~The Departing of an Addict


For anyone that has struggled with addictions and ever felt that the burden is too much, this post is so that you may reconnect to what’s important and draw strength from the collective of humanity. We lost a friend today here in Southern California to his addictions. He battled, he fought the fight and in the end he joins the painful ranks of many that succumb to this mysterious call.

I’ve lived a very public life of sharing both the successes and the struggles of myself and others, preaching freedom and fighting for the beauty of the human spirit in us all.

Please consider leaving a comment or sharing your story in hopes of continued restoration in the ripple effect of our human oneness.

I love you,

~Robin

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