13 Things Divorced Men Over 50 Must Do Immediately to Rebuild Themselves (and women too)

29 comments

Are you divorced over 50, wondering
how to be a desirable man again?

“Who is going to want a 55 year old man that is divorced?” I’ve actually heard men (and women too) tell me this, already resigned to the idea that they’re undesirable and unwanted.

My mind goes to the elderly couple, still canoodling in corners after 50 years of marriage, adoring each other more than the day they met. Why do some of us believe that love, romance, sex and companionship is reserved for the young, or we’re only allowed to experience this bliss of connection once in our lifetimes, forever sealing our fate to solitude when our time together comes to an end?

It’s absurd!

So you’ve done the last 10, 20 or even 30 years with one woman and it’s now over with you having to find a positive way to move on. I hear you! She took the car and the house, your married friends have shot you the ultimate online-digital-fuck-you with the dreaded UN-friending (thanks Facebook!) leaving you licking wounds as the dust settles around you in bewilderment.

Buckle up, this is going to be a wild ride of get-it-done-and-over-her advice on what to do to pick up and design your own life. If you’ll trust me, you’ll quickly find this is a good thing and can be an amazing time in life.

We’ll get into the recovery later, revisit the wounds and put down the shame you’ve been carrying for years that caused a lot of this problem in the first place. You lost sight of your manhood, buried under the responsibilities of being a good husband, dad and a dozen other titles that are often nothing more than veils of bullshit so everyone else can get their way.

But until you can see that for yourself, you need to hear an overdose of fellow masculine testosterone to help you stand up and remind yourself you’re a man, no, you my brother are an amazing man!

This is your time! Now let’s go since I’m not losing another good man to divorce and we need to rebuild your confidence from the years it was dismantled from fulfilling everyone else needs and wants.

This is a 13 point list of things you absolutely must do immediately.

Her, you know…the ex-wife, insert her name here: [ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ] She is now from this point on, with no emotion, referred to as, “The Ex” and/or “Ex”. Under no circumstances can you refer to her as “My Wife” or anything else conveying ownership or coupling.

Let’s go…

1. Question Everything.

What beliefs have you been carrying around, blinding your peace and robbing you of your own serenity from years of saying YES so often you began to look like a bobble head toy? Take a deep breath and let’s make a list of what to DIS-create, DIS-assemble and DIS-mantle from the pillars of a life that no longer serves you.

2. New, Everything New!

From the razor you’ve used for 20 years to the route you take to work to the small little habits you’ve formed, get rid of them, all of them! Curiosity is your new friend. Child-like newness is your rescue to a life that grew mundane and seriously needed go be shaken up. Embrace it.

3. Romance Time!! Find your Masculinity with Women – Pt 1.

This is the best part! Call that girl from high school you always wanted to ask out and didn’t. Date a 25 year waitress that pressed up against you at the bar or the cute intern barista that looks up to you for being the only thing steady in her life because you remember her name and home town when you venture through the local coffee shop. Be friendly for kindness sake. Be available. Stay in your own skin to protect your confidence at first and eventually, you’ll find yourself in amazing experiences and conversations. You’ll wonder where all the women have been all this time as they begin to approach you, smile and wink at you bringing tremendous confidence in your masculinity.

***Absolutely NO dating of strippers or escorts. Have your fun if you must, but do not date them in a relationship. (Message me if you’re caught up in this racket and I’ll guide you out.)

4. Get in AMAZING Shape.

While you are not your body, it is your temple (1 Corinthians 6:19) and you can’t live a powerfully turned-on life carrying around men-over-50-in-amazing-shape

excess weight in a state of obesity, high blood pressure all wrapped in poor diets and distasteful grooming. Hire a trainer, a nutritionist and a guide to help you through. If you can’t afford that, join the blogs of men’s groups, ask friends or just join the local gym chain and get into environments of health where the peer pressure of hot women in yoga pants and men with 20” biceps will motivate you. I’ve seen men not change their diets or drinking habits and loose 20 pounds or more just from the stress relief alone! I’ve witnessed men get in better shape than their college years because they gave up gluten, went Paleo (see link) and overcame sugar addictions. You ARE your environment, good or bad!

And yes…I read and quote the Bible often, it’s packed with wisdom.

5. Acquire a New Wardrobe – Accentuate Your Style.

Throw away all the old loafers (especially if they have an actual penny in them), the Levi 501’s, and anything argyle or paisley unless you’re actually British and actually living in the UK, then you are one of the few fellas that can sport this outdated print. For the rest of you, head to Nordstrom’s and let a sexy 20 something put a designer jean on you. Couple that with a nice shirt and shoes that make you FEEL renewed.

Learn the art of clothing and determine your own unique style. I have a book titled, “Style Manifesto for the Modern Man” being edited at the time of this blog. Click this link and send me a message and I’ll notify you once released.

6. Minimize It All. Throw, Sell, Toss, Donate and Give Away the Crap!LONDON, ENGLAND - OCTOBER 01: George Clooney attends the Casamingos Tequila & Cindy Crawford book launch party at The Beaumont Hotel on October 1, 2015 in London, England. (Photo by Samir Hussein/WireImage)

If you haven’t touched it in the last 12 months or it’s stored in the garage of the house you left to the Ex, then most likely it’s dead weight and has to go. Ditch the stress, the insurance, the maintenance and minimize down to only the things you use regularly. The emotional weight of being nimble will be a freedom you’ve never experienced.

7. New Furniture and Art.

New everything, especially a new bed. Get the nicest, most comfortable bed you can afford, with the kind of mattress that you sink in to and forget all your problems. Deck out a kitchen with cool supplies so you can entertain with electric salt & pepper shakers and a crystal set of bourbon glasses. Buy a nice piece of art that speaks to you every time you look at it. Pick up a unique piece at a market or on a trip that has a fun story to it. (Please, no pool tables in the dinging room and absolutely NO neon signs! College is over.)

8. Rent a Housing Sanctuary!

It’s time to get that cool high rise (with a concierge) you always dreamed of. You know, the one with the cool, white leather, low-profile couch that makes that sound when you sit. (See above) Don’t even THINK about returning to the snobs of the suburbs under any circumstances. Rent the coolest place you can afford whether that be a beach side room-for-rent or a downtown penthouse overlooking the park, your home is your new sanctuary, your fortress of solitude where we are going to rebuild the new you. You’ll soon be introduced to the relaxing experience of hot Epsom salt baths in a big garden tub, (It’s not just a chick thing.) or hanging out on your own balcony listening to music. Do NOT live in isolation! Get a room-mate, live in community or an urban area that forces you to interact with people in everyday environments.

9. Revitalize Your Friendships. Make New Acquaintances.

There is nothing more refreshing than forming your own friends, especially other over-50 divorcees that are equally exhausted of all the roles they filled in sacrifice of their own needs. This is your time. Party it up with the boys and don’t even think of dating just ONE girl. You are phobic of any emotional commitments right now other than to the universal principles of honesty and integrity to your fellow human being. You OWE nobody ANY thing…except to call your oldest friend and rekindle your friendship from the years of being unavailable.

10. Reignite Your Dreams!

What is that thing you always dreamed of doing and came up with 100 lame excuses why you couldn’t? Sky diving, bungee jumping, zip lining through the jungle? If those sound too ambitious, how about a wine tour through Tuscany or walk the foot steps of Jesus across the Holy Land? Make your bucket list and consistently get to work, one thing at a time. Idea: buy an artsy world globe and look at the places you want to go while drinking from those crystal bourbon glasses.

11. Date Amazing Women – Pt 2.

50 is the new 40 and older men are sexy! No, not in the Abercrombie model kinda way. After the comfy years with the Ex, you’ve probably got a few extra pounds of relationship weight from lack of dedication to yourself. This is the one time when you get a major pass because “looks”, provided you’re well groomed, does NOT matter. Don’t listen to the women that say otherwise, I can disprove them and regularly do over and over as I watch a physically mediocre man skillfully navigate thru the inner chambers of a woman’s heart.

The reason why younger women date older men, contrary to popular belief, is NOT because the men are rich. (That is something poor men and ugly women say to themselves to justify their own lives.) Older men understand women. Older men are grounded in who they are and as as result, make women feel safe and secure which, primal speaking, is a woman’s dominant motive for even being with a man in the first place. We know how to make a woman feel amazing about herself and then invite them into wild adventures we’re having, funding and creating making us very intriguing. (deep subject, more on this later.)

dos-equis-guy

12. Get Honest about Your Religion or Spiritual Practice.

You finally get to decide how your encounter with the Divine (God, Higher Power…whatever) is going to look and feel. No longer do you endure boring Sunday services, chocked by neckties that match your ex’s dress one day a week when you wear jeans the other six days of the week mocking a fake smile with people you care nothing about.

So loose the confession booth, the Yakima, the 10 pound Bible and the prayer beads if that’s not your thing. This is your time to question everything, bend a knee to the universe and surrender into a practice that serves you without reason or apology to anyone else. You OWE nobody.

13. Become an Connoisseur of Food and Drink.

Unless you’re actually IN old Mexico, no more margaritas. Sorry, give up beer too. I know it’s good but it bourban-in-a-crystal-glassmakes you fat and bloated and just isn’t a gentleman’s drink. Learn to savor the flavor of a good whiskey, understand the spirit of the dirty martini and become a snob about a few wine regions. It’s well past time to surrender the silly mixers you keep consuming from the fraternity days and stop drinking your calories. Find a few craft cocktail bars with burly bartenders sporting a handlebar mustache that is fixated with one eye squinted, asks your name, shakes your hand and two hours later…remembers said name. You are now the James Bond of the bar, learn the scene, know your drink and why. Ditch the cancer-causing cigarettes, grab a fine cigar and wine and dine the fuck out of a beautiful woman, with the depth of Hemingway. (**also, no sugary fruit juices!)

Your homework, if you should choose to accept this challenge, watch Crazy Stupid Love for a great visual. (One exception: don’t even think of returning to the ex-wife, there’s a reason she’s your ex and that kind of undying love is only for Hollywood. Returning to an ex is rarely a good thing, so play the odds and move on.)

I’ve guided dozens of men though complex divorces and saved them hundreds of thousands of dollars in fees and guilt-based reactions by re-building their confidence, giving them an accurate reflection of their masculinity so they could make good decisions. Sorry, your expensive divorce attorney won’t do this for you and typically your friends only know how to make you feel better by talking shit about The Ex, which only causes the ego to attach heavier from decades of defending her in the first place.

You’re going to do great and rebuilding after divorce CAN be a fun process. For divorce consulting, shoot me an email and guaranteed I’ll have you through the process and feeling great in no time. Guaranteed!

Now go live on! I fucking love you bro! Really.

~Robin


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29 comments on “13 Things Divorced Men Over 50 Must Do Immediately to Rebuild Themselves (and women too)”

  1. Wow some serious obnoxious ego there . No older men are not all that and yes younger women date them for financial advantage the majority of the time
    Sure true love can happen between older man younger woman just as it can older woman younger man but these relationship are the exception to the rule
    What’s wrong with dating women your own age . Why do men always seem to have such inflated senses of their own attractiveness that they think they are too good to date women who are their peers

  2. Great Post. Really helped me, as I am going through the stages and didn’t realize there were “stages”. I have been a loner for the biggest part of my life. As a child, I was extremely shy and never really bonded with anyone. Every person I tried to befriend ended up dominating the relationship.”

  3. Wife filed after 29 years. Been in home for 25 years and city for 28 years. I love the city and lifestyle I’ve build here and want to continue it after divorce is final. Should I or relocate?

    1. If you love it here, absolutely not! While staring over in a fresh place is cool…trust me, wherever you go, there you are and “shit” will follow you. What IS important is creating your own rituals, experiences and routines FREE of the past. So take a vacation, see a new place, but if you love where you live, then re-create it for yourself. See my other article titled, “Create the Life you Want or Tolerate the Life you Have.” Well done Eric – proud of you brother!

      1. Robin,

        Thanks! Can you also suggest a support group for just men of divorce? Also, I am a reader, so any books you can suggest for me is greatly appreciated. Lastly, can you recommend some get away locations to help me clear my mind and spirit?

        Eric

    2. Robin,

      Thanks! Can you also suggest a support group for just men of divorce? Also, I am a reader, so any books you can suggest for me is greatly appreciated.

      Eric

  4. Damn. Who are you? great article.

    I’m 54 newly divorced. Trying to navigate this strange new world. I have been doing many of those thing in the list. The challenge is Ineantvto date now. I’m in Shape, have a ton of hobbies (outdoorsmen) financial secure, confident and well traveled. but the company of women seems to be hard to achieve. I don’t think I’m interested in the on line method. Sounds like a part time job.

    I love the article. Thanks.

  5. I am 48 getting divorced for the second time I have one son from my previous marriage who is going to be 19 in October I moved out of my second wife’s co op and bought my own co op on my own . It’s a Studio but it’s mine to own .
    I have no children with my second wife I do not have to give her anything
    I am finding it hard to be alone in my own place at 48 and enjoying my life , I am finding it hard to meet new people and to date other women.
    I don’t know what to do I feel like a failure in life after 2 marriages down the drain

  6. Just new to this. My wife of twenty year had and affair and being a man of substance fraught hard to forgive her and to reconnect and rebuild our marriage, but she has finally decided she wants a divorce and is going back to her affair partner. I let her dishonest and lack of values rob me of who I am what I value and for certain have not lived up to the man I should be be and that I am. Scared, confuse and lonely, but this gave me some comfort knowing that my greatness and such can flourish and I can find myself again and that a special someone is out there waiting and deserving of me and me of her. Also that some lost fun is yet to be had in all more sex, more love. more fun, more adventure more me!!! Thank you, I need to read/hear more of this kind of stuff!!!!!

  7. About halfway through my miserable divorce. This totally just lifted me up 10 feet off the ground. Love you to Robin. You’re the man

  8. Robin

    Read this and can’t think of better advice. Divorced 2 years now after 29 years of marriage and I’ve done alright but this simplifies and is a definite set of good steps I’ll be taking. Appreciate it and be in touch

    Chris

  9. 28 years of living with a very insecure wife. Leaning on me for her professional and personal support. She had a world that makes her happy and secure but it never included me. Now my wife is in love with chasing her happiness with her (our) friends and family now. I am a 55 and was told to move out and I did. My new place is my lake house home on one of the great lakes. So, I nailed #8. Thank you for the hope..

  10. Thanks Dude! But hear is some of my dilemma.
    Been in common law relationship for 15years with alcoholic wife. In the autobody trade for the last 30years of my life. Was laid of from my job of 4years in July and haven’t being able to get work since. 3 hunting dogs and a macaw living on unemployment which ain’t much. Truck, rv, mortgage payments I’m sinking. I’m at my ropes end with my partner but my only option is moving back to my home town and living with my 85 year old parent’s (which they need someone around anyway). I did recently contact a old girlfriend from Jr.high school and let me tell that is the only thing that lights me up, receiving a text or phone call, or our 10 min get togethers. The only thing is she’s married for the past 30+ years. Just not sure which way to turn. Anyway thanks for the ears, life does throw curve balls at you.
    Cheers,
    Gord.

  11. Some of these things already started the gym throughout the old rags redid my old bedroom lost 35 lbs a year and 9 months have gone by and a lot has happened separation take care of my mother recently passed away my shop burned down religion I don’t know what to believe they say God won’t give you more than what you can handle i don’t understand.34 years with this woman how do i get over all this how do I mourn all my losses

    1. Hey Victor. Brother…I hear you and, you are seen. Listen man, we all go through crap and hey, the Bible is FILLED with examples of God giving men WAY more then they can handle. WHY? So we would surrender and rely on him. Bro, you need support and there’s no shame in asking for it. Have you ever considered a men’s Alanon group? It’s a spiritual based, non profit organization held all over the world and Victor…men are transforming in as little as 90 days. I’ve been a member for almost 2 years and rely on it heavily for safe support and growth. Here’s the link: https://al-anon.org/. Praying for you my friend. Don’t quit, don’t lose hope…bend that knee in prayer and praise yourself for all the accomplishments like loosing weight and being resilient. Thanks again for connecting here my friend.

  12. Great advice…I turned 50 earlier this year and was divorced two months later so this information is very timely. Looking forward to putting this advice into practice.

    1. Dan! Welcome to your “new life”. While going through a particularly tough season a wise friend said to me, “Robin, life is easier when you approach it as an adventure”. It’s true! Adventures are dangerous and risky, a lot like life. They get your blood pumping and your mind freed. But when you cross the other side, your heart is big and the adrenaline is exciting. Can’t wait to hear about the shifts and changes for you.

  13. 16 years in a codependent marriage. No freakin’ clue where I lost myself trying to “save” someone but the past 12 months have been a running gun battle getting back to being the guy I like in the mirror. Everything you’ve written here I tumbled into or followed friends love & advice. Spot on road map for living a life again.

    1. Love you Mac. A good assessment from both the mirror and the viewpoints of other in-tune men is the most powerful thing we could ever engage in. Proud of your work…stay in the fight. (apologies for my late reply due to a website conversion)

  14. Robin, Thanks for the reply. Some great info you’ve shared here. What I said in my post reflects what I had to learn after catching my wife cheating with a -woman- and coming out after a 25 year marriage. I take responsibility for my loss of masculinity, and for basically losing myself and my way during my marriage. The breakup caused me to lose everything. I had to come back from loss and rebuild in every category. I can’t stress enough that our best relationship should be with ourselves. Love, respect, and kindness for ourselves; our own protector. Alcohol is mentioned in this piece, and great care should be taken with that, friends. Keep up the great work, Robin.

  15. Pretty much right on. I did all of these things, too, and it helped me find my lost masculinity, self trust, and I also learned to love and respect myself. I put my needs and wants before others, now. I’m still a good guy, but I own my own space, and it feels great to be self-possessed.

  16. Well it has not came to this YET But its cpmeing soon!!!I’m getting ready for it now. At 55 I more than a little nervous…So any info..would be a great help.
    Thanks. Looking forward forward to herring more soon.

    1. Hi Dean. Love your journey and comment here! Ya man, at 55, life is getting good. I’ve found tremendous value in programs such as Alanon for maintaining my own health and Landmark for communication. Looking forward to watching your growth.

    1. Begin rebuilding! Draw a line in the figurative sand, step over it and don’t look back. Surround yourself with powerful people to support you. The 12 step program of Alanon is fantastic.

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