“I want …” I began to say eagerly, standing my ground in a self assured stance of confidence.
What came next was a complex dissertation of reasonings, the kind you would expect to hear from an pompous ivy league Professor wearing an obnoxiously long scarf, surrounded by too many students to count, all positioned in a theater style classroom of sliding chalkboards and bright lights, all on him of course.
“Wait, wait … what I meant was …”, raising my hand to interject without rudely interrupting. It was too late, the request was ricocheted off the defensive shell of prejudices, leaving me to seek else where to have my cup filled. In the mad pursuit of getting what we want, we’re taught, conditioned really, not to ask. The sad alternative is performance at a passive aggressive game of obscure metrics and changing rules where you have two options: Man up and play full out with dominance and aggression as your fuel, or passivity. Yes, passivity is the whiskey dick version of having a desire and not being able to perform so you make excuses and wait it out for another day, another year, maybe even another lifetime where hope and dreams become a fanciful state of nothingness.
In reality, passivity is the polite version of “Go fuck yourself” with no right to be offended. It’s so common in everyday language, we don’t even hear it!
We’re going another direction = Go fuck yourself
I think we should see other people (or just be friends) = Go fuck yourself
Your application wasn’t approved = Go fuck yourself
That (fill in the blank) is against company policy = Go fuck yourself
Perhaps there’s another way. In the never ending dance of earth’s balancing nature, there seems to be a rhythm in between the beats, a seductive two-step of walking on a balance beam to faithfully trust that all my needs will in fact, be met.
No sailor questions if the wind will fill his sails. No explorer doubts that the right passages will be unveiled. No tree asks if the branches are necessary. No true love fails to restore itself into the balance of connection.
Today in this share, I’m reminded, even assured, that all needs and wants are but a mere reflection of a deeper sense of things from within.
Certainly there is an applicable Bible quote here BUT instead … I feel more like Edmond Dantes (Count of Monte Cristo), raise my glass and say,
“Life is a storm. You will bask in the sunlight one moment, be shattered on the rocks the next. What makes you a man is what you do when that storm comes. You must look into that storm and shout as you did in Rome. Do your worst, for I will do mine!”
Today my friends, you will be met with trials, tests and temptations. Stand your ground in a faithfulness that all things are assured in the purposes buried deep within yourself for the treasure is revealed in the ones bold enough to dig for gold.