Our journey was one of toxic cycles and endless
Spats in the name of a life you convinced me was to
Be filled with pain and torment as a thing called normal.
Your deviancy was like a fog rolling in from the bay,
Resting fully upon my bones, suffocating my lungs yet
Just unkind enough to stay out of grasp to watch me choke.
You taunted my resolve with hand resting upon the pistol,
That lonely night I turned to you, losing myself in the
Intoxication of your misery, your narcissism of dormant dreams.
You are still my longest lover and greatest teacher,
With the dysfunction of an old habit and the toss of a
Carnival coin to an endless game, here we find ourselves.
What a false companion you have been and yet, in some way
Still not yet understood, I will miss your company and eagerness
To faithfully find you way to my side, ready, waiting, wanting.
Oh how jealous you were, pervasive among other women that
Even glanced my way, your deceit unraveled my masculinity one
Moment only to encapsulate me behind the walls of intimacy the next.
They never say me, only an array of entertaining masks like a
Theater play, oh how those girls were amused, yet missed my
Beauty over and over, leaving me to turn back to your harlotry, once again.
I hated you. I wanted to kill you. My jaw would tighten in bold
Outrage to your cynical taunting, grabbing a knife in rebellion to
Slay you once and for all, forever relinquishing your sinister grip.
Just then, you would vanish, leaving me with hints of fragrant joy,
Only to creep down the corridors of shadows and find your treacherous
Dealings back in the solid foundations, eroding my every move.
My manhood would redeem itself, cast upon the rocks of your shores,
Shipwrecked, I would crawl from the devastation to find the glory of
Sand between my tired hands, calloused from the shadowboxing games.
It’s time. This time, right now. A crown has been prepared and it is
Me that is binding you in the spectacular unveiling of a prince that
Almost died so many, many times in the caves of silent despair.
I am a KING now. I have the power to cast you forever shackled
In the real estate of dungeons I control, placing the guards of
Boundaries on every corner of my domain, insuring your misery.
My determined resolve to cast you into the pit of misery is only
Outmatched with a Kingly Compassion, a sense of both duty and
Greatness creating no need for such acts of unadulterated power.
There is only one final act in this play you’ve created, the ultimate
In the closing of dramas. This one I will write and with the crowd
On edge, they will watch me as I rise to be counted, I will prevail.
In expectation of your deserved sentence of death, executed in grand
Display among the villagers, they will gasp, not in the horror of your
Beheading, no not in 40 lashes less one or even a stake driven.
I will take the most powerful journey in these 44 years, 527 months,
16,060 days and seconds robbed from your merciless bounty to
Prevent my knighting into a life that God ordained as good…pure.
You will be met with mercy. You will be set loose, to dissipate into
The nothingness in which you came forth and your rule will turn to
The ashes creating the beauty of the Phoenix to rise, to be counted.
I was not born from you. You are not me. You are the separation of
My calling, the formidable grounds of chisels and hammers that sculpted
The masculine beauty before you, and now it’s your turn to bow.
I turn you loose, my false comforter, my lover … my greatest teacher.
Depression. You are free to leave my kingdom.